NBA Title Comes Home to HOMES

Huron. Ontario. Michigan. Erie. Superior. HOMES. The Great Lakes.

The Cavaliers of the NBA brought you a present.

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Yes, it’s the Cleveland team from the “Mistake on the Lake”. But, this one is for all of us, those Midwest Minions who tough out the Winters in search of a Winner.

We sit on the World’s largest “fresh water” supply. Our factories annihilated the Axis. And we, usually with Great Lakes Futility, rabidly support our teams through frequent famine and now, glorious feast. CAVS. NBA Champs. 2016.

The weather here sucks, to say the least. Championships happen as often as “sunshine“.  So, when the radiant rays of victory arrive, we share it just like that push we give a stranger stuck in a snow drift or the extra crate of corn we give to our neighbor.

My MidWest was a place of volunteer coaches, pick-up games, and playing outside (even in a blizzard) until the street lights came on. And, in NorthEastern Ohio, everyone pretended to be JIM BROWN, that demi-god who brought an NFL championship to the Browns in 1964. I was 12.

Now, approaching “When I’m 64”, I once again relish a #1 team. There is a new Titan, Lebron James. And a new populace of sports Olympus, The Cavaliers.

Fans and fanaticism mostly fall on deaf ears or not-so-subtle eye-rolling. Many see it as infantile, shallow, and nonessential. They ain’t from the MidWest.

We stand and sing the National Anthem with tearful, patriotic fervor. We endure fumbles, bumbles, and strike-outs with energetic exasperation, mumbling the ever-present mantra, “Next year. Just watch.”

Well, next year is here and I gladly offer this trophy to Toronto, Detroit, Chicago, Green Bay, and Minneapolis. You are part of our Blue Collar Brigade and welcomed participants in this CAV triumph.

But, ya gotta come HOMES to Cleveland to see it. Don’t worry, the Cuyahoga River doesn’t burn anymore. And if you come in the Winter (anytime between October and May) we’ll be there to give yuns a push and “some beers“.

This is The Great Lakes. It’s what we do.

No one Needs an Assault Rifle / NO ONE

So you’re going hunting and you want to cut Bambi in half? You decide that you need to protect yourself from an army of the walking dead? You think it’s fun to spray a zillion bullets a second at whatever, whenever, and however you please? Please!

really?

I believe in the right to bare arms. I wish it was possible to arm bears as well.

The USA 2nd amendment is a sacred cow that permits a violent society to arm, protect, hunt, and collect weaponry. OK. It was enacted back in the day when one could blast off a bullet every 2 minutes if they were amazingly coordinated.

Now we have hit “50” literally. 50 people (and probably growing) have been slaughtered by one guy with a military device designed precisely for that purpose. The manufacturers must be pleased that their product has performed with such efficiency and effect. Sales will undoubtedly soar and more atrocities will unfold. Bodies piled up. Profits made. Case closed.

Not quite.

The majority of Americans want common sense gun control. Like Drivers Ed, car seats, drinking age, and a host of rational regulations, societal ability to “clock the gloc” is pretty straight forward. That is, until greed, profit, and untethered violence rear their ugly head.

No one wants you damn gun. Everyone wants military assault weapons off the market and illegal to own or sell. Get it, Rambo?

Blubbering and blaming the GOP or the NRA is not the answer. GOP should not stand for “Guns Over People”. The few in that party who reject this must either stand up to their leadership or be voted out by an exasperated majority who hopefully realizes that action “trumps” apathy. NRA members must depose their “Never Resist Armament” lords in favor of reasonable regulation that cascades over the US as much as the blood does.

Owning, buying, trading, collecting, and prancing around with assault weapons must be illegal. No exceptions! OK, well, maybe if you have a machine gun that has been welded so no magazine can be loaded. You know, like those canons in the park that have pigeon poo for ammo.

Pundits and peaceniks whined about weapons of mass destruction not too long ago. Yet, WMD business is booming while “Women, Men, and Dead Kids” push up daisies just because they went to a school, club,  community center, health facility, or store.

So don’t look for an ISIS, Islamaphobe, or gay-bashing goat. If you have one of these killing devices, support people having these devices, or think in your bass-akwards mind that this is in anyway a good idea, YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. If you don’t elect public servants to finally enact the will of the people, YOU ARE CULPABLE AS WELL.

POTUS ain’t coming for your guns. I am. I will knock on your door and demand your Uzi. Take your best shot. It only takes one bullet. But you can fire dozens in seconds so my doom is sealed. Gladly.

Always wanted to be a piece of swiss cheese.